[CH] RE: Chile smokesperson
Scott Ashkenaz (scott.ashkenaz@kla-tencor.com)
Fri, 2 Jan 1998 16:21:50 -0800
Peter Ashkenaz spun some questions:
>what is it that we would want people to do? Eat more chiles?
And Br'er rael ranted:
-Uh, no. Then the prices would rise. Granted, we should all be growing
our
-own, but for various reasons (climate, seasons, time, dog-arsed [me]
-lazy..) some don't and must rely on El Groceryo (gee, Spanish is so
-easy...you lookin' at me?...). Anywho...
Initially, the increase in demand might drive prices up, but the
increased demand would drive up production, improving supply, and
quickly reducing cost. More importantly, it would widen the range of
products and outlets available. Even 7-11 would start to carry Ají,
until the Silent, Bland Majority jumped in, causing them to only stock
Pace Heatless Serranos. The marketplace would grow beyond sauces,
salsas, salves, and snortables. At first it would go into related
foodstuffs, like chips with built-in salsa (Predipped! Convenient!),
RedHots (with real Hots instead of cinnamon), and a major change in
Liberal Arts Degree skills ("Would you like Hot Sauce with that?").
Then, it would likely begin to expand the sphere into other areas.
"Rough, chapped lips? Try new CapLip and give them that tingly, alive
feeling!" "Preparation C - without all that inconvenient chewing!" "Next
time you get your Bikini Wax, use the improved RocotoWrap (TM)!"
"Captain Hab's (TM) Antique Furniture Stripper and Driveway Degreaser."
"Peri's Marine Barnacle Paint." And so on.
But, we should also figure out what industry...er...vegetable would lose
market share, since, as we all know, there is a cap on the amount of
veg-o-bucks spent by the average consumer. It is important to know who
is competing for the same dollars. The rhubarb growers of America (the
other red vegetable) might launch an offensive, or recognize their
inherently weak position and try for co-branding: Rhubarb/Cayenne Pie.
>Use them responsibly? Define "responsibly." (What are the goals?) Then,
who are the target audiences?
Well, education would certainly be recommended, either to increase
awareness and demand, or to at least soften the attitude of the
non-capsaicinophilic public. ("You know, it is the first step to harder
stuff...") Otherwise, there could be a backlash, making it a misdemeanor
to possess more than a peck of pickled peppers, and possession of The
Bread a felony. The pleasures of the spice, beneficial side effects, and
contributions to a robust world economy would be major points to stress.
The chile deficit (tons of peppers (normalized by capsaicin content)
exported and imported) would be a key indicator. Of course, it should
also be a goal to get the next generation hooked...er...appreciating the
pod. Some of the dangers should be identified as well (a team of lawyers
should probably work on the details), but done in the light of sensible
risk-taking, a roller-coaster for the tongue.
So, given these goals, the character should be cute (appealing to
children), but with a bold, adventurous attitude (to entice the adults).
Let's see...Joe Camel is out of work. The character should wear white
"Mickey Mouse" gloves (to warn of the dangers of Hunan Hand), and carry
a flaming hoop. The character (Burnie?) should be cross-licensed to
companies like Tabasco and Blistex, have a breakfast cereal (Peppered
Flakes?), a cartoon show with a catchy song (performed by Burnie and the
Pod People), and a video game (Pace Raider). A guest appearance on the
Muppet Show would be useful. A cooking show which appeals to both
vegetarians and omnivores, maybe with dynamic tension (Cross/Fire) could
also spin off cookbooks and kitchenware.
It could happen...
>Peter@yes, I am Scott's brother.
Yeah, but he was adopted. Out of pity.