[CH] Domestic terrorism incident

Alex Silbajoris (asilbajo@hotmail.com)
Thu, 15 Jun 2000 11:07:37 PDT

COLUMBUS, OHIO (Bogus News Services) - The serene calm of breakfast was 
shattered today when a terrorist weapon was discovered on the breakfast 
table.

Authorities were alerted to the presence of a suspicious package left next 
to a plate of sausage, gravy and biscuits.  The package, a small blue glass 
bottle, was marked DA' BOMB Ground Zero.

Alert experts cleared the area and carefully opened the container for a 
sample of the contents.  They combined a small amount of the contents with 
some gravy, creating a mix which visually resembled thousand-island salad 
dressing.

After testing, the experts were speechless for approximately ten minutes.  
Later they were quoted as saying "At least it tastes better than Endorphin 
Rush."

Authorities anticipate considerable difficulties in disposal of the weapon.  
Speaking off-record, one said "This summer is going to be a personal 
Chernobyl ... we anticipate more than a few burnt-cat-and-beans lunches."

Some analysts believe this kind of threat is increasing in complexity as 
rogue sauce makers launch new weapons.  Gone are the days when a "red 
threat" from one or two sources was our only concern.  Today's population is 
increasingly under threat from a widening array of sources, some of them 
even from within our own borders.


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