Impromptu Smut: WUZ: Re: [CH] Historical info on TCS
Inagaddadavida (raelsixty4@earthlink.net)
Thu, 10 Aug 2000 17:42:16 -0600
At 01:21 PM 8/8/00 -0500, Mike Stallcup wrote:
>As SandyO said:
>
>>If Rael isn't behind this new organization he certainly should know about
>>it. Especially the sub-group of nubile chile maidens...which is what made
>>me think he is probably prez. No mention of twister, naked or otherwise,
>>but lots of cult stuff about chile worship and prayers!
>
>Yep, Rael was behind it. He was instrumental in its foundation.
>Mike McNally put up the page during a time when easily half the list
>discussion was about TCS and NCMs. Check the C-H archives at
well, i don't know if i wuz instrumental in its foundation or not...wuz a
whooole lotta chile prayin' and spittin' going on at the time and it just
fit right in, it did...or at least, I fell right in...nothin' like a good
cult to get yer blood going, IMO...Brother McNally is to be praised [bless
you brother] for his work...
Actually <<your screen is getting wavy, fading out a bit>> best as i can
recollect, this is how I think it went <<your screen blips out, blacks out,
and then...WHAM, Hendrix fills the room to the tune of "And The Gods Made
Love", to be exact...>>
---
"...i wanna show you...the angels will spread their wings, baby...i wanna
shoooow you..."
The man was a poet, thought Rael, cold glass of water in his hand,
chocolate covered chiles in a bowl in front of him. Poet poet poet. Just
goddam amazing, yup. Now where's that remote?
Suddenly, the roof was ripped off Rael's basement domicile.
<Voodoo Chile crank starts in...>
"Well shit!" said Rael, throwing a hand over the chocolate chiles, then
drops his other hand, glass and all, to his crotch, remembering he was nekkid.
Rael screams. Cold glass of water on the Johnson. Not for the squeamish.
Not for anyone with a penis, to be honest.
"Oh man but is that Cold!" he says, placing the glass on his desk, next to
his computer monitor which is now displaying a picture of a group of nekkid
women sitting on a Twister board in the middle of what appears to be a
bathhouse. Rael notices this and says to no one, "Oh cool, they did give
me a group shot. Gonna have to get over to Kyoto and visit my geisha
email-pals some day, yes."
Rael then remembered there was no longer a roof over his head.
"So just who the hell is responsible for this, hmmm? Who has the gonads to
rip the roof from my dungeon, eh? Show yourself, you sniveling snotty
elderberry smellin'...."
A rather large woman in leather appeared; large as in about 15 feet tall,
perfectly proportioned, at least from the waist up, rather large breasted,
resembling Xena slightly, but this was before the time of Xena, so
nevermind. She peered down at Rael and said, simply, "I did, bubba...wanna
make something of it??
"Uh, no, not really...just curious...'tis rather nice, big skylight-like,
yeah...hey, I can grow chiles in here now! Groovy!"
"Rael, shut the hell up. I have come to give you an important message. It
seems that El Grande, the Great Mother/Father of All That Is Chile wants
you to participate in a new society, a group of like-minds, so to speak.
You, having much knowledge of the Illustrious Fruit of Painful Bliss,
probably an extremely intimate knowledge of which I shudder to think, will
be granted the title of Monk. A Monk of the Transcendental
Capsaicinophilic Society."
"Oh, is that it? You couldn't have just knocked ont the door? Sent me a
flamin' email? No, you rip off my friggin' roof and tell me I'm supposed to
join some cult and become a monk."
Big Chick said, "It's an honor."
"An honor? Really? To become a Monk?"
<"Long Hot Summer Night" kicks in about this time...>
"Oh my, I can hardly wait...a Monk of the Transcended Capsaci, uh,
Capsized, ummm..."
"Capsaicinophilic Society"
"Yeah, that...a Monk...a Monk who GETS NO MORE NOOKIE! Babycakes, this boy
don't think so."
"No, Rael," she said, "you've got it all wrong. Monks of the TCS are
Enlightened Ones. They help train others in need of That Which is
Chile....which happens to include things like making habanero pineapple
salsa, proper placement of a spoonful of such in the navel of a Nubile
Chile Maiden [NCM], of which there may be many, Rael, and then, of course,
instruction as just how one should suck said salsa from said navel."
Rael leaned back a bit in his chair, reached for his water glass. "Oh,
well, that doesn't sound like the typical monk role I know."
"No, Monks of the TCS are special, Rael," she said, "As a monk you are
available to train others in the Lore and Methods of All Things Chile.
Rituals such as the one mentioned are aplenty."
"Well, I can certainly deal with that," said Rael.
"I though as much," replied the Large Woman who was decided to crawl over
the wall of his room at that moment, sitting herself down on his,
thankfully, extra-large futon, which happened to allow Rael to see that she
was indeed quite proportioned. And what he though was leather revealed
itself to be black latex. Quite nice indeed.
"And Rael, there is Twister [TM!] too."
"What?! Twister [TM!] is a part of the TCS?"
"Of course. El Grande recognizes a damn good game when he sees it. He's
an avid player, actually. He sees a little bit of you in him, I believe."
"Well, he can't be that bad of a guy then, Twister [TM!] aficionado and
all. And I am quite a player, you know, although I prefer to play nekkid.
It's a Southern thing."
"Rael, that's why El Grande sent me rather than come personally. He
trained me himself. I'm to challenge you to a game of Twister [TM!]."
"Do tell," said Rael.
"And it just so happens that I'm a Southern girl at heart, you know," she
said, peeling a strap of her one-piece latex jumpsuit down, then the other
strap, exposing her extreme healthiness, one breast sporting a tattoo of a
habanero, the other breast a tattoo of Popeye.
"Don't ask," she said.
<"1983...(A Merman I Should Turn To Be)">
As she continued to disrobe, Rael became quite attentive, quite jovial,
actually. Her boots came off, revealing delectible, delightful, just
damned yummy looking toesies; and then followed the rest of her latex
outerwear.
"Oh my god," said Rael, in part because he was seeing perfection for the
first time in his life, but also because this perfection was almost three
times his height and while perportionate, well, obviously, she was a whole
lotta woman.
"Uh, babydoll, sweetness, um, you know, not that I'm complaining, really,
well, maybe sorta, but, oh hell, woman you're just a bit too damn big for
me! I mean, I'm of slightly less than average height, only weigh about 125
pounds,....
[editors note: this occured back in 95/96...Rael was just coming off the
booze and had that skinny strung-out look...he's doing fine and is up to
155 now, powerlifting, eating like a pig, thankyouverymuch]
...not overly endowed, so to speak, and..."
"You look fine to me," she said, grinning slightly, reaching towards Rael.
"Well, thanks, but...HEY, *cold* hands, baby! jeeezz...but you're like a
giant woman, in a nice way, mind you, but you won't even fit on a Twister
[TM!] board."
"Rael, you silly boy. El Grande knows this. He made me this size just
temporarily so as I could get here quickly without having to take the bus.
I hate the bus. Too damn long on the road. And planes just aren't safe
anymore. People have no manners."
"Amen, baby. So, like, you're gonna shrink?"
"You got it, my little Rael-o-rama. I should shrink down to my true size
any moment now."
"Hey, you aren't some 2-foot tall ragdoll or such, are you, um, you...hell,
I don't even know your name."
"Xenette," she said, as she threw her head back, screamed, and began to
shrink.
[Go figure, said the editor]
<naturally, "House Burning Down" began at this very moment...>
Within moments, Rael found himself face-to-face with a blue-eyed
ex-brunette-now-redhead, which was quite a combination, don'tchya know.
"Holy sheeet, baby, but you are fine. You're still a big woman too, you
know. What, six foot?"
"Five-eleven and a third," said Xena. "Want the rest of my measurments?"
"Not necessary, no. Perfect you be, honey, I can tell that."
"Thank you," she said. "But shall we get started? I'm itching to beat
your arse."
"Pardon?" said Rael, getting quite excited at that aspect.
"Let's play Twister [TM!] !! Hope you like peach-habanero," she said,
pulling out a rather large jar of salsa from her latex jumpsuit.
"How the hell did *that* fit? Salsa? Wait, sweetcheeks, you got me
confused here. Are we gonna chow down or play the game?"
"Rael, Rael, Rael...
<...there's too much confusion...i can't get no relief...>
...you are about to become experienced in what will be known forevermore as
Nekkid Salsa Twister [TM!]. Think of it as your initiation into the TCS,
okay?" said Xenette as she lay down on the Twister [TM!] board that was
(always) on the floor.
"Well..."
"Now come here and suck this salsa from my navel before we get started.
And then I'll do you."
Rael thought for a second, possibly two, and then stood on his chair and
screamed, "Well, I'm standing next to a mountain, gonna chop it down with
the edge of my hand!"
"In your dreams, my little Monk Rael," said Xenette as she fingerpainted
salsa flowers around her nipples. "And who the hell are you calling a
mountain?"
"Mountain of luv, sweet thang, and I'm your Voodoo Chile."
"Come to momma..."
---
And thus began Rael's interaction with the Transcendental Capsaicinophilic
Society. He went on to become well-versed in All Things CHile, seeking the
stage of Ultimate Chile Enlightenment. He be damn close. He was once
quite active with a group known as the Chilesheads, though primarily a
lurker at the moment. He is about to begin attending classes full-time at
Idaho State University, dietetics being his major, certified dietician the
main goal, yet hoping to become a certified personal trainer along the way.
He dreams of becoming a certified massage therapist as well thinking that
if he changed his name to Pricilla, he may have a shot with Firegirl's
friend. He can usually be found in his cave, listening to Hendrix (the
Doors, Joplin, Stones, Guess Who, Cream...oldies he wuz raised on by hippie
sisters, hippie wanna-be that he be), practicing his knot-tying,
contemplating Buddhism, reading, writing, so-to-be studying, drinking
ginseng tea or something decaf (gave up caffeine as well as booze,
nicotine, etc), leaving his dungeon only for occassional work, groceries,
the possibility of nookie, or to throw around some iron in a sweaty gym in
hopes of gaining enough mass and strength to one day challenge El Grande
himself to a Twister [TM!] match.
Clothed, that is.
Peace, Hendrix, and Chiles.......
Rael
Rael64
Monk of the TCS
Order of Immaculate Twister
In El Grande's Name...Left Foot Blue, Baby