Re: [CH] War On Louisiana

Harold James (mdspice@hotmail.com)
Thu, 01 May 2003 15:55:01 -0400

"Louisianians are like that," he added. Now you know that we are a peace 
group until you mess with out food, hot sauce and motorcycles.



Mason Dixon Spice
www.mdspice.com
Eat It!!! Every Day!!!





>From: Rob Solarion <solarion@1starnet.com>
>Reply-To: Rob Solarion <solarion@1starnet.com>
>To: 2003@mystery.com, Chile-Heads List <chile-heads@globalgarden.com>,      
>   Forteana <forteana@yahoogroups.com>
>Subject: [CH] War On Louisiana
>Date: Thu, 1 May 2003 14:07:23 -0500
>
>>Not sure where this came from..
>>
>>>  Subject: War on Louisiana
>>>
>>>  In a speech that surprised even such high-level Republican
>>>  confidantes as Bill Frist, Tom Delay and Britt Hume, U.S. Secretary
>>>  of Defense Donald Rumsfeld today called on Congress to allow
>>>  President Bush to proceed with plans for military action against the
>>>  state of Louisiana.
>>>
>>>  "We do not have the luxury of time to debate our strategy," Rumsfeld
>>>  told a group that included members of the Senate and House Armed
>>>  Services Committees, leaders of both houses of Congress, and selected
>>>  members of the news media. "Louisiana has demonstrated, time and time
>>>  again, that it is not interested in peaceful coexistence with the
>>>  United States," the Secretary claimed. "The leadership there says one
>>>  thing and
>>>  does another. They tell the world that they have no desire to be
>>>  aggressive, yet we have proof beyond a doubt that they are producing
>>>  weapons of mass destruction, and that they would use them against us,
>>>  especially if they had too much to drink."
>>>
>>>  "Louisianians are like that," he added.
>>>
>>>  When asked what types of weapons of mass destruction Louisiana had,
>>>  Rumsfeld turned the podium over to Secretary of State Colin Powell,
>>>  who produced a series of line drawings of Tabasco Sauce bottles and
>>>  containers of cayenne pepper.
>>>
>>>  "They have capsaicin," said Powell. "And frankly, "we have never
>>>  before seen chemical weapons of this intensity. Each small bottle of
>>>  Tabasco sauce contains 720 drops. A teaspoon of the stuff has 60
>>>  drops. Two to
>>>  three drops of capsaicin at these levels can disable someone, and
>>>  five to six drops can cause choking, heart palpitations, respiratory
>>>  decompensation, and even death. Four drops if the person is from
>>>  Minnesota."
>>>
>>>  Powell went on to describe Scoville units, the units by which pepper
>>>  heat is measured, and said that the deadly chemical was produced in a
>>>  remote part of Louisiana known as Avery Island.
>>>
>>>  According to the dossier from which Powell read, when all four
>>>  production lines of the Avery Island factory are in operation, over
>>>  450,000 bottles of Tabasco can be produced in a single day. "That is
>>>  enough to kill every man, woman and child in the free world many
>>>  times over," he said.
>>>
>>>  Secretary Rumsfeld then returned to the podium and fielded questions
>>>  about his new military directive, which he called a necessary assault
>>>  on what President Bush is referring to as the Axis of Carville. "The
>>>  President believes, and I agree with him, that no one in America is
>>>  safe until Louisiana is disarmed," Rumsfeld announced.
>>>
>>>  When asked about the possibility of sending UN weapons inspectors to
>>>  Louisiana, Rumsfeld became impatient: "There you go again, with the
>>>  inspection song and dance. Don't you think that hasn't been tried?
>>>  Every
>>>  inspector that was ever sent there wound up in New Orleans, and came
>>>  back drunk and weighing an extra ten pounds. If you knew anything at
>>>  all about Louisiana, you wouldn't be asking such an inane question."
>>>
>>>  Asked about the possibility of allowing Louisiana time to disarm on
>>>  its own, Rumsfeld said intelligence reports showed that if left to
>>>  their own devices, the state's leaders would eventually distribute
>>>  capsaicin
>>>  throughout every major city in the United States. There are already
>>>  more than a thousand Popeye's Fried Chicken franchises in the
>>>  country, he said, and there are many other ways to introduce
>>>  capsaicin to the
>>>  population.
>>>
>>>  "But what about Governor Foster?" a reporter asked. "Isn't he a
>>>  Republican?" Rumsfeld smiled.
>>>
>>>  "We're really not sure anymore, after the November election," he said
>>>  "and anyway, his term will be up soon. And if you don't think Mary
>>>  Landrieu knows about the Tabasco plant, you are more naive than even I
>>>  could imagine."
>>>
>>>  Later, at a briefing on the latest addition to the growing list of
>>>  places the United States will attack, Press Secretary Ari Fleischer
>>>  was asked if President Bush had visited Louisiana. Fleischer replied,
>>>  "He thinks he may have been there when he was governor of Texas, but
>>>  he isn't sure when. I think right now it's somewhat murky."
>>>
>>>  "Louisiana has a lot of oil, Ari," Helen Thomas asserted. My
>>>  understanding is that it has 18 petroleum refineries, 27,250
>>>  producing wells, and is home to two of our four strategic oil
>>>  reserves. Do you
>>>  want us to believe that the proposed attack on Louisiana isn't part
>>>  of the White House's plan to confiscate oil on a world-wide basis?"
>>>
>>>  "Helen, it's certainly true that Louisiana has a crude oil reserve of
>>>  529 million barrels of oil, but the president has no interest in that.
>>>
>>>  What he does have an interest in is the security of the American
>>>  people, and that security cannot be maintained unless Louisiana is
>>>  disarmed of its stash of chemical weapons."
>>>
>>>  With that remark, Fleischer ended the news conference. Later,
>>>  however, reporters had a chance to talk with President Bush, who
>>>  invited some of them to the golf course. Asked if he thought an
>>>  attack on Louisiana
>>>  would be hard to sell to the American people, the president replied
>>>  that American citizens were becoming more and more suspicious of the
>>>  motives of foreign countries, and that they would not hesitate to do
>>>  whatever
>>>  was necessary to protect national security.
>>>
>>>  When told that Louisiana was one of the fifty states, Bush nodded and
>>>  said "God bless America." Asked about allegations that the White
>>>  House wanted to attack Louisiana for its oil, Bush turned and faced
>>>  the group.
>>>
>>>  "I can assure you," he said, "I know all about the allegations. They
>>>  are crawling around all the swamps in Louisiana. Some of them are >
>>>  ten feet long. Make no mistake: we will hunt them down, and we will
>>>  bring
>>>  them to justice."
>>>
>>>
>>
>>B. "etouffee" Huerta


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