[gardeners] Astrological signs for southerners
George Shirley (gardeners@globalgarden.com)
Sun, 14 Feb 1999 09:53:11 -0600
I guess you could call this gardening related, it has some veggies in
it.
George
>In a message dated 99-02-01 16:58:24 EST, you write:
>
><< t has become pretty obvious to us Southerners that our present
> >astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid
of
> >them. When I'm out driving around I'll see bulls, and once in a great
> >while I suppose I'll even see a ram. Up the street from me there are
some
> >twins, but I don't see them much. The rest of these things are just too
> >obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions or
> scorpions,
> >not many archers, and no water bearers. Virgins? The neighborhood's
> not
> >crawling with them either SO, what we need here is some relevance. We
> need
> >things we can recognize up there in the night sky.
> >
> >SCROLL DOWN TO YOUR BIRTH DATE
> >
> >OKRA Dec 22 - Jan 20
> >
> >Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside.
> >Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his
> life
> >and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
> >
> >
> >CHITLIN Jan 21 - Feb 19
> >
> >Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're
> >uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin,
> however,
> >can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of
> >seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful.
> >Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a
> >really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember
> >that when marriage time rolls around.
> >
> >
> >BOLL WEEVIL Feb 20 - Mar 20
> >
> >You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface
> of
> >things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of
> everything.
> >Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some
inner
> >hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry
> >about it.
> >
> >
> >MOON PIE Mar 21 - Apr 20
> >
> >You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a
> cinch
> >to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are
> >the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely
> >interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the
> year
> >to think about aerobics. Maybe not.
> >
> >
> >POSSUM Apr 21 - May 21
> >
> >When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency
> to
> >withdraw and develop a "don't - bother - me - about - it" attitude.
> >Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead.
> This
> >strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for
> >you. One day, however, it won't work, and you may find your problems
> >actually running you over.
> >
> >
> >CRAWFISH May 22 - Jun 21
> >
> >Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always
hanging
> >around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the
> >pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to
> >be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good
heads.
> >
> >
> >COLLARDS Jun 22- Jul 23
> >
> >Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the
> "melting
> >pot" of life and share their essence with the essences of those around
> >them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball
> >managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay
> >away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of
> >heartache.
> >
> >
> >CATFISH Jul 24 - Aug 23
> >
> >Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception:
> >Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy
> >people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface
> of
> >life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
> >
> >
> >GRITS Aug 24 - Sep 23
> >
> >Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle
> >together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, though, so
> >maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go?
> >Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you
> can
> >go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.
> >
> >
> >BOILED PEANUTS Sep 24 - Oct 23
> >
> >You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately,
> those
> >who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your
> >personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect
> you
> >deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go
> >right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours
> >is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will
> >always pull over and stop for you.
> >
> >
> >BUTTER BEAN Oct 24 - Nov 22
> >
> >Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with
> >everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the
> >vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can
sit
> >next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with
> >Moon Pies.
> >
> >
> >ARMADILLO Nov 23 - Dec 21
> >
> >You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually
> quite
> >gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit,
> >worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with
> today's
> >fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today.
> >
> >You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior
patterns.
> >You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another,
> >somewhat kinky, mating possibility.
> >
> >:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
> >
> >Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read
> >the menu the waitress comes over and asks Clinton, "Are you ready to
> >order?"
> >
> >Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie."
> >
> >"A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the current situation
of
> >your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back
when
> >you are ready to order from the menu."
> >
> >She walks away.
> >
> >Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."
> >
> >:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
> >
> >An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a
> >bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.
> >
> >The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid.
> >Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300
> >worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have
> >a fridge to keep it in."
> >
> >The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says
> >his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent
> >$17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't
> >even know how to drive!"
> >
> >The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman
> >sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and
> >got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife
> >is dumber. "Ah, it kills me everytime I think of it," he chuckles.
> >"my wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing
> >her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there
> >and she doesn't even have a penis!"
> > >>
>