[gardeners] Astrological signs for southerners

George Shirley (gardeners@globalgarden.com)
Sun, 14 Feb 1999 09:53:11 -0600

I guess you could call this gardening related, it has some veggies in
it.

George


>In a message dated 99-02-01 16:58:24 EST, you write:
>
><< t has become pretty obvious to us Southerners that our present
> >astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid
of
> >them.  When I'm out driving around I'll see bulls, and once in a great
> >while I suppose I'll even see a ram.  Up the street from me there are
some
> >twins, but I don't see them much.  The rest of these things are just too
> >obscure.  You only see crabs on vacation.  There are no lions or
> scorpions,
> >not many archers, and no water bearers.    Virgins?  The neighborhood's
> not
> >crawling with them either SO, what we need here is some relevance.  We
> need
> >things we can recognize up there in the night sky.
> >
> >SCROLL DOWN TO YOUR BIRTH DATE
> >
> >OKRA  Dec 22 - Jan 20
> >
> >Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside.
> >Okras have tremendous influence.  An older Okra can look back over his
> life
> >and see the seeds of his influence everywhere.  Stay away from Moon Pies.
> >
> >
> >CHITLIN  Jan 21 - Feb 19
> >
> >Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds.  Many times they're
> >uncomfortable talking about just where they came from.  A chitlin,
> however,
> >can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of
> >seasoning.  When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful.
> >Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and  this can make for a
> >really terrible mess.  Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.  Remember
> >that when marriage time rolls around.
> >
> >
> >BOLL WEEVIL  Feb 20 - Mar 20
> >
> >You have an overwhelming curiosity.  You're unsatisfied with the surface
> of
> >things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of
> everything.
> >Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had  some
inner
> >hunger.  Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry
> >about it.
> >
> >
> >MOON PIE  Mar 21 - Apr 20
> >
> >You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch.  It's a
> cinch
> >to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies.  "Big" and "round" are
> >the key words here.  You should marry anybody who you can get  remotely
> >interested in the idea.  It's not going to be easy.  This might be the
> year
> >to think about aerobics.  Maybe not.
> >
> >
> >POSSUM  Apr 21 - May 21
> >
> >When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency
> to
> >withdraw and develop a "don't - bother - me - about - it" attitude.
> >Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead.
> This
> >strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for
> >you.  One day, however, it won't  work, and you may find your problems
> >actually running you over.
> >
> >
> >CRAWFISH  May 22 - Jun 21
> >
> >Crawfish is a water sign.  If you work in an office, you're always
hanging
> >around the water cooler.  Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the
> >pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room.  You tend not to
> >be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good
heads.
> >
> >
> >COLLARDS  Jun 22- Jul 23
> >
> >Collards have a genius for communication.  They love to get in the
> "melting
> >pot" of  life and share their essence with the essences of those around
> >them.  Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball
> >managers.  As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay
> >away from Moon Pies.  It just won't work.  Save yourself a lot of
> >heartache.
> >
> >
> >CATFISH  Jul 24 - Aug 23
> >
> >Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception:
> >Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones.  You catfish are never easy
> >people to understand.  You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface
> of
> >life.  Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
> >
> >
> >GRITS  Aug 24 - Sep 23
> >
> >Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself.  You like to huddle
> >together with a big crowd of other Grits.  You love to travel, though, so
> >maybe you should think about joining a club.  Where do you like to go?
> >Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs.  If you
> can
> >go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.
> >
> >
> >BOILED PEANUTS  Sep 24 - Oct 23
> >
> >You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man.  Unfortunately,
> those
> >who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your
> >personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect
> you
> >deeply  because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go
> >right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours
> >is a charmed life.  On the road of life, you can be sure that people will
> >always pull over and stop for you.
> >
> >
> >BUTTER BEAN  Oct 24 - Nov 22
> >
> >Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with
> >everybody.  You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud.  You've grown on the
> >vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting.  You can
sit
> >next to anybody.  However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with
> >Moon Pies.
> >
> >
> >ARMADILLO  Nov 23 - Dec 21
> >
> >You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually
> quite
> >gentle.  A good evening for you?  Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit,
> >worms and insects.  You are a throwback.  You're not concerned with
> today's
> >fashions and trends.  You're not concerned with anything about today.
> >
> >You're really almost prehistoric in  your interests and behavior
patterns.
> >You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another,
> >somewhat kinky, mating possibility.
> >
> >:-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)   :-)  :-)  :-)       :-)
> >
> >Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.  As they read
> >the menu the waitress comes over and asks Clinton, "Are you ready to
> >order?"
> >
> >Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie."
> >
> >"A quickie?!?" the waitress replies.  "Sir, given the current situation
of
> >your personal life I don't think that is a good idea.  I'll come back
when
> >you are ready to order from the menu."
> >
> >She walks away.
> >
> >Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."
> >
> >:-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)   :-)  :-)  :-)       :-)
> >
> >An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a
> >bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.
> >
> >The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid.
> >Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300
> >worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have
> >a fridge to keep it in."
> >
> >The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says
> >his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent
> >$17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't
> >even know how to drive!"
> >
> >The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman
> >sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and
> >got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife
> >is dumber. "Ah, it kills me everytime I think of it," he chuckles.
> >"my wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing
> >her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there
> >and she doesn't even have a penis!"
> > >>
>