Re: [gardeners] O.T. snow

Bill Loke (
Fri, 12 Mar 1999 08:21:43 -0500

Maybe some of you have seen this before but you can get too much of a good
December 8: 6:00 PM.  It started to snow.  The first snow of the
season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.  So romantic we felt like
newlyweds again.  I love snow!
December 9:  We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape.  What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World?  Moving here
was the best idea I've ever had.  Shoveled for the first time in
years and felt like a boy again.  I did both our driveway and the
sidewalks.  This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up
the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel
again.  What a perfect life.
December 12:  The sun has melted all our lovely snow.  Such a
disappointment.  My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll
definitely have a white Christmas.  No snow on Christmas would be
awful!  John says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter,
that I'll never want to see snow again.  I don't think that's
possible.  John is such a nice man.  I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14:  Snow, lovely snow!  8" last night.  The temperature
dropped to -20.  The cold makes everything sparkle so.  The wind
took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway
and sidewalks.  This is the life!  The snowplow came back this
afternoon and buried everything again.  I didn't realize I would
have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get
back in shape this way.  I just wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15:  20 inches forecast.  Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer.  Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra
shovels.  Stocked the freezer.  The wife wants a wood stove in
case the electricity goes out.  I think that's silly.  We aren't
in Alaska, after all.
December 16:  Ice storm this morning.  Fell on my ass on the ice
in the driveway putting down salt.  Hurt like hell.  The wife
laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17:  Still way below freezing.  Roads are too icy to go
anywhere.  Electricity was off for 5 hours.  I had to pile the
blankets on to stay warm.  Nothing to do but stare at the wife
and try not to irritate her.  Guess I should've bought a wood
stove, but won't admit it to her.  God I hate it when she's
right.  I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
December 20:  Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the
damn stuff last night.  More shoveling.  Took all day.  Goddamn
snowplow came by twice.  Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel,
but they said they're too busy playing hockey.  I think they're
lying.  Called the only hardware store around to see about buying
a snow blower, and they're out.  Might have another shipment in
March.  I think they're lying.  John says I have to shovel or the
city will have it done and bill me.  I think he's lying.
December 22:  John was right about a white Christmas because 13
more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it
probably won't melt till August.  Took me 45 minutes to get all
dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.  By the
time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired
to shovel.  Tried to hire John, who has a plow on his truck, for
the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.  I think the
asshole is lying.
December 23:  Only 2" of snow today.  And it warmed up to 0.  The
wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she...nuts???  Why didn't she tell me to do that a month
ago?  She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24:  6".  Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the
shovel.  Thought I was having a heart attack.  If I ever catch
the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, Ill drag him through
the snow by his balls.  I know he hides around the corner and
waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the
street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've
just been!  Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols
with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the
goddamn snowplow.
December 25:  Merry Christmas.  20 more inches of the goddamned
slop tonight. Snowed in.  The idea of shoveling makes my blood
boil.  God, I hate the snow!  Then the snowplow driver came by
asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude.  I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm
going to kill her.
December 26:  Still snowed in.  Why the hell did I ever move
here?  It was all HER idea.  She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:  Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28:  Warmed up to above -50.  Still snowed in.  THE
BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29:  10 more inches.  John says I have to shovel the
roof or it could cave in.  That's the silliest thing I ever
heard.  How dumb does he think I am?
December 30:  Roof caved in.  The snow plow driver is suing me
for a million dollars for the bump on his head.  The wife went
home to her mother.  9" predicted.
December 31:  Set fire to what's left of the house.  No more
January 8:  I feel so good.  I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me.  Why am I tied to the bed?
Please stoke some more coal into the sun!
Friends are the flowers in the Garden of LIfe
Bill Loke USDA 4b
RR#1 Kars Ont K0A 2E0
-----Original Message-----
From: Byron.Bromley <Byron.Bromley@Gsd-Co.Com>
To: <>
Date: Thursday, March 11, 1999 10:09 PM
Subject: [gardeners] snow

>There is probably enough hot air from foul language etc on I 95
>going thru NYC to melt the snow for a 100 mi around.
>  If you realy like snow that much, try Buffalo and Rochester
>where the 4 ft at a time.
>  My local weather station said in 1888 on this day they had 4ft
>in less than 24 hours here. I think I would be heading your way.
>   But that's OK, this summer while George is inside, hugging his AC
>unit we can still be outside. Believe me I intend to remind him of it.
>Instead of being the Teased we can be the teasee
>If you are going north, there is a lot of beautiful land in western Ma.
>Advantage for Seniors, you pay taxes for 7 years then if you are over
>65 then your property taxes are exempt.