[gardeners] Fw: What's Your Sign? (Southern Horoscopes)

Annetta Green (gardeners@globalgarden.com)
Thu, 17 Aug 2000 21:23:27 -0400

----- Original Message -----
From: "Jerry and Dolly Bordine" <bordine@worldnetla.net>
To: <bordine@worldnetla.net>
Sent: Thursday, August 17, 2000 7:29 PM
Subject: What's Your Sign? (Southern Horoscopes)

> Only a "true" Southerner will appreciate this one
> The Dixie Horoscope
> It has become obvious to many Southerners that the current
> astrological signs are too obscure and should be replaced with more
> symbols.
> Here's the new list of astrological signs just for Southerners:
> OKRA (Dec. 22-Jan. 20): Although you appear crude,
> you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous
> influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the
> seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
> CHITLIN (Jan 21.-Feb. 19): Chitlins often come from humble
> backgrounds.
> Many times they are uncomfortable talking about just where they came
> from.
> A Chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated
> and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be
> careful.
> Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage
> time rolls around.
> BOLL WEEVIL (Feb. 20-March 20): You have an overwhelming curiosity.
> You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need
> to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are
> intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in his right
> is going
> to marry you, so don't worry about it.
> MOON PIE (March 21-April 20): You're the type that spends a lot of
> time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance
> of  Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are the key words here. You should marry
> anybody you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be
> easy.
> This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.
> POSSUM (April 21-May 21): When confronted with life's difficulties,
> possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a
> "don't-bother-me-about-it" attitude. Sometimes you become so
> withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably
> psychologically  healthy,  but seems to work for you. One day,
> however, it won't work, and you may find things actually running
> you over.
> CRAWFISH (May 22-June 21): Crawfish is a water sign.
> If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water
> cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the
> golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be
> attractive physically.
> COLLARDS (June 22-July 23): Collards have a genius for communication.
> They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence
> with the essences of those around them. Collards make good social workers,
> psychologists and baseball managers. As far as your personal life
> goes, if  you are Collards stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work.
> Save yourself a lot of heartache.
> CATFISH July 24-Aug. 23): Catfish are traditionalists in matters of
> the   heart, with one exception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved
> ones.
> You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy
> bottoms  to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should keep
> away from
> Moon Pies.
> GRITS (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): Your highest aim is to be with others like
> yourself. You like to huddle together a big crowd of  other Grits. You
> to
> travel, though; maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you
> like
> to go?
> Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter  or  eggs.
> If  you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves
> you well.
> BOILED PEANUTS (Sept. 24-Oct. 23): You have a passionate desire to
> help your fellow man. Unfortunately, your friends and loved ones may
> find that your person is much too salty, and their criticism will probably
> affect you deeply because you are really much softer than  you appear. You
> should
> go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way,
> yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people
> will pull over and stop for you.
> BUTTER BEAN (Oct. 24-Nov. 22): Always invite a Butter Bean because
> Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should
> proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no
> matterwhat the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However you, too,
> should have
> nothing to do with Moon Pies.
> ARMADILLO (Nov. 23-Dec. 21): You have a tendency to develop a tough
> exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you?
> Old  friends, a fire, some root fruit, worms and insects. You are a
> throwback.
> You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not
> with anything about today. You are really almost prehistoric in your
> interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another
> Armadillo,
> but Possum is another mating possibility.