[gardeners] OT: Where do you live??

Margaret Lauterbach (gardeners@globalgarden.com)
Wed, 10 Jul 2002 09:59:00 -0600 

> > > You live in CALIFORNIA when . . .
> > >
> > > 1.You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
> > > 2.The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
> > > 3.The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
> > > 4.You know how to eat an artichoke.
> > > 5.You drive to your neighborhood block party.
> > > 6.When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
> > will
> > > take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
> > >
> > > You live in NEW YORK when . . .
> > >
> > > 1.You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
> > > 2.You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State
> > Building.
> > > 3.You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
> > Circle
> > > to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
> > > 4.You think Central Park is "nature."
> > > 5.You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
> > makes
> > > you multi-lingual.
> > > 6.You've worn out a car horn.
> > > 7.You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
> > >
> > > You live in ALASKA when . . .
> > >
> > > 1.You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
> > > 2.Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
> > > 3.You have more than one recipe for moose.
> > > 4.Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
> > > 5.The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
> > > construction.
> > >
> > > You live in the DEEP SOUTH when . . .
> > >
> > > 1.You get a movie and bait in the same store.
> > > 2."ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
> > > 3.After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
> > > 4."He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
> > > 5.Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty
> > Jean,etc.
> > >
> > >
> > > You live in COLORADO when . . .
> > >
> > > 1.You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
> > > 2.You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops
>at
> > > the day care center.
> > > 3.A pass does not involve a football or dating.
> > > 4.The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
> > >
> > > You live in the MIDWEST when . . .
> > >
> > > 1.You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
> > > 2.Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
> > > 3.You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
> > > 4.You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
> > > 5.When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
> > > different!"
> > >
> > > You live in FLORIDA when...
> > >
> > > 1.You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
> > > 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind-even houses and cars.
> > > 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
> > > 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
> > > 5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
> > > 6. There are only GIANT doctors in Florida (Every person's doctor is
> > > "The Biggest" in his field)
> > >
> > > You know you are in ARIZONA when...
> > >
> > > The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
> > >
>  > Hot water now comes out of both taps.
> > >
> > > You can make sun tea instantly.
> > >
> > > You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
> > >
> > > The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
> > >
> > > You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
> > >
> > > You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
> > >
> > > You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
> > >
> > > You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
> > >
> > > Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end
>up
> > > lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
> > >
> > > You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
> > >
> > > The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
> > >
> > > The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and
> > add
> > > butter, salt, and pepper.
> > >
> > > Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying
> > > hard-boiled eggs.
> > >
> > > The cows are giving evaporated milk.
> > >
> > > The trees are whistling for the dogs.