The Chile-Head Code [CH]
Captain Apathy (captappy@yahoo.com)
Thu, 16 Jan 2003 11:09:04 -0800 (PST)
CAPSA
Chiles And Pain Served Accordingly
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RFC: The CAPSA Code
The Geek Code, for a different set of geeks. Chile geeks.
Official University of Chile-Heads (OUCH)
Pod Eaters Alliance
PODS, Inc. LSC
Kids,
In the days before all this silliness began there was about 4 major heat
levels regarding chiles. You have your numex, your jals, your cayennes, and
your habs. But today? Outside of the hundreds of sauces available we also have
available every variety of chile from everywhere on the planet. And there's no
way to compare the damn things to another human's perception.
We all enjoy eating different levels of heat and different chiles affect
people differently. Some cannot eat cayennes without breaking into a rash but
devour habs easily. Professor Paul and The Institute have done an incredible
job figuring out the mysteries of burn, but I'm guessing it's more than just
the 14 capsaicinoids. (Like I know.)
I've discovered I'm eating at the upper end of normal, eating multiple habs
per serving of such-and-such. But you don't know these things until you share
some common chile ground. Someone that eats habs almost died eating enchiladas
with golden chile sauce (aji am's) I would have never thought that 'cause to
me habs are hotter. Come to find out it's not the heat - it's the amount.
Some people dip a chip's edge into huge bowl of salsa with one hab sitting on
top and then proclaim "I'm a chile head! I eat habaneros!" So of course an
enchilada sauce made with half a cup of aji amarillo powder per serving killed
him on the spot.
When it is not a thing of ego, "chilehead" is very ambiguous. However if there
existed a scale, a ranking and rating system... A code of a few digits that
shows what chile(s) are my favorite, what heat level I think certain things
are, willingness to eat other levels besides my 'usual', etc. And a key to the
code that allowed another to scale information up or down to match their
level. It doesn't have to be too specific; 5 or 6 levels of chile consumption
would help.
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The Chile Head Code Defined
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A simple battery would consist of straight-forward questions like:
"What's the hottest chile you've eaten?"
"What's the most chiles you've eaten at once?"
"What's your favorite chile? 2nd favorite? 3rd favorite?"
"What's your favorite ....."
A few multiple choice like:
Oleoresin Capiscum is for:
1) Knuckledraggers.
2) Elephant repellant.
3) A sugar substitute.
4) When you're out of fresh habaneros.
5) Breakfast.
In your kitchen right now, you have:
1) No chiles or chile products.
2) Some McC*rmick Crushed Red Pepper
3) Fresh chiles.
4) Dried chiles and/or powders.
5) All the above, all the time.
Los Milagros del Chile is:
1) Huh?
2) Uh, something about chiles.
3) The Miracles of Chile, in Spanish.
4) A silly movie about chile worship and sex.
5) 3 & 4
If you run out of chiles, you can:
1) Is that bad?
2) Run out? What do these words mean when used together?
3) Smack a hammer on your thumb while standing in a sauna.
4) Two words: guerrilla harvest.
5) Have the kitchen staff fired.
Bottled hot sauces:
1) Hate em, have none.
2) Hate em, have some.
3) Like em, have some.
4) Like em, have many.
5) Love em, make many.
There would have to be categories that questions would apply weight to. If
there were categories like "minimum heat level" and "favorite pod", then the
question that lets them select their favorite pod will affect the minimum heat
level range too if it's lower. The logistics of how the Code will work kinda
has to come after the questions are decided upon.
The third section will be a semi-scientific approach, something of a "burn
curve". I know this is more scientist than chile-head but I was wondering how
much has been done on graphing the "chile experience". Searching Professor
Paul's stuff that's public I haven't found much.
Regardless of how hot, chiles have different burns. Some are all mouth & face,
others have almost no mouth but have full-body "glow", etc. The Institute has
allocated alot of that to the different capsaicinoids identified already. Ok,
so I was wondering if there exists (or if you'd be interested in helping
create) a burn curve profile. While the effect is unique to each of us a given
variety usually have the same general characteristics as the last time you ate
them.
Hmm. As an example, in the sound synthesis world you can look at an ADSR graph
and get a general feel for how a given envelope will generate it's sound. The
X axis is intensity, the Y is time; Attack, Decay, Sustain, Release points are
plotted and connected to tell you how fast the sound comes in, how long it
holds, when and how fast it starts to taper, and finally how it finishes. It
doesn't tell you any timbral information, just how it's intensity will behave
over time.
We could adapt something like that to create a standardized chile burn curve.
You can't describe how a chile tastes like with it, but you can pass along
your version of how it affects you today.
Calibrating the graph's intensity scale would be impossible, so it'll have to
be relative. We all have different pain levels and taste buds.. and the top
would have to be above any possible pepper burn achievable. So if 10 is
"getting stitches with no novocaine" and you've never had stitches (or enjoy
them!) then it's not really 10. Which is why relative vs absolute graphing is
the only way I think it can work.
This is still a very rough draft. Plans are being made right now! If you would
like to help develop this Code and formulate questions to help define what
kind of chilehead people qualify as, please submit your ideas to:
Captain Apathy
c/o YouzGottaBeKiddinMe
thisisajoke@cmonpeople.org
attn: Mr. Getoveryourselves
Sincerely,
CA
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ps: In case you didn't get it - repeat after me -
This
is
a
joke.
Course, the joke's probably on me... someone will think this is a good idea
and want to develop it further. :-)
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