[gardeners] Privacy Advice

Beulah Mae (gardeners@globalgarden.com)
Wed, 24 Sep 1997 02:09:19 +0000 

How yall are this fine morning?  Lizzie Lu done gone to bed so's it's 
Beulah Mae writin to yall.  I ain't had much time to get caught up 
with everbody so I apologize in advance.

Since the last time I done wrote we up and moved to a nice trailer 
court.  They got rules here and everthang to make people keep the 
place looking respectable.  Don't like no trailer trash or trashy 
trailers round here.  I got Lizzie Lu and that big ole husband of 
hers to come help and we got the place fixed up real nice.  Got me 
some pots with some chrysanthemums in 'em and some pansies and some 
asters and some whatnots.  Done put up a pullout shade and got some 
real plastic lawn furniture set up under it so we kin enjoy the fine 
fall weather.  Lizzie Lu let me gather some of her dried corn stalks 
and I tied 'em into teepees and put some pumpkins next to 'em and I 
got that sitting under the pullout, too.  Looks real nice.

I like this new trailer court a whole lot and I thought, cause I was 
renting the last space, that I was gonna leave my troubles behind but 
Ize wrong again.  That dadblamed dadburn peeping tom whats been 
stalking me done found me again and set up camp in that sleazy 
trailer court next door.  I don't think I told yall about him but 
he's been following me around and generally bothering me and I don't 
like it nosireeebobcat!  

I'm still seeing Billy Mac, that part-time auxilliary police (he's 
got some nice big handcuffs) and Billy Mac helped me go get a
injunction against that peeper.  Well, that injunction says the 
peeper can't get no closer than 100 feet to me but that don't stop him 
peeping none.  He moved into that sleazy place behind me which aint 
so surprising considering how sleazy he is and done put out a huge 
stepladder.  He gets up on that stepladder and sits up there looking 
like a great big vulture what with his old skinny neck and ugly face 
and he spends all day and most of the night peeping at my trailer.  
It done give me the heebiejeebies for sure.

Billy Mac done gone and got me some of that there plastic lattice
and some poles and he done put it up at the end of that pullout
shade what is closest to the prevert peeper.  Dang if that prevert
ain't gone and got hisself some binoculars so he can try to mind my
business.  That lattice is white and my trailer is tan and brown so
it don't look that good and I'm kinda embarrassed about it but I
don't want to hurt Billy Mac's feelings by taking it down or nothin.
Ize thinking that the smart thang to do now would be to go on ahead
and just ignore that creepy peeper and his binoculars and to plant
something to hide that lattice in the spring.  

Do yall know of a vine that can grow on that lattice in full sun
that don't have to be pruned ever time you turn around?  I like
morning glories but they make a mess and I figure its gonna be a lot
of work to clean 'em up ever fall.  I'd like to find me a prennial
that don't need pruning.  Course, I want it to bloom and I'd like it
to keep it's leaves in the winter but I'll take one that is bare
then cause I aint real picky.  I dont want no ivy cause it reminds
me of that terrible accident that Aunt Emily Culpepper had.  It's
gotta be able to live here in zone 6 in the dry and take the heat in
the summer and not be too heavy.

I gotta go now so I can maybe write The Right Reverend Billy Bob
Thornton and git him to pray for that peeper.  Billy Mac has done
started saying that the only good prevert is a dead prevert and
stroking his billyclub.  Yall know how law enforcement officers can
git when they riled up over people being preverts around they
girlfriends and fambly.  I dont like that peeping prevert but I dont 
want Billy Mac getting into no trouble on account of his sorry self.

Cousin Beulah Mae