Re: [gardeners] The Neighbor

Catharine Vinson (
Thu, 11 Jun 1998 09:58:14 +0000

Jane wrote:

> I feel your pain.  LOL.  I'm so sorry about the neighbor, try to control
> yourself.  Maybe best to stay inside and not make eye contact else you will
> bust out laughing.  Good luck. 

Proper little Southern lady that my Mama rasied me to be, I immediately 
dug out my very best Crane's. A traditional  informal wouldn't 
do....neither would a plain half sheet....I settled on a white vellum card 
with taupe engraving for the discrete monogram (you see, Southerners don't 
just go in for "social stationary".....we have Stationary Wardrobes. And 
we are terribly big on monograms....just in case we forget who we are, we 
can check out our stationary rather than have to call one's relatives for 
a refreasher course in Just Who Are My Mama's People Anyway?

Having settled on the appropriate paper, I retired to the kitchen to try 
and remove the day's accumulation of Georgia red clay and squashed bugs 
from my hands and forearms. I have been spending a lot of time in the 
garden, you see, and like Scarlett, I'd forgotten to wear my gloves. 

Five minutes with a nailbrush, Clorox, and Lava soap, and I was ready to 
take pen in hand without fear of soiling the pristine surface of Craine's 

A few minutes spent sitting up straight at my genuine Ladies' Writing Desk 
and my note of gracious and heartfelt congratulations to Mr. Meaders oozed 
from my pen.  As a final gesture of True Southron Hypocrisy, I tucked in a 
package of seeds for the Beautification of my neighbor's Shining Tribute 
to Yardening. I wrote in my note that the "mystery seeds"  were rare 
and special and would be the talk of the neighborhood.

Hell will freeze before I'll ever say what the seeds are <bg>. After all, 
I don't want to end up like my other neighbor.....wearing an ankle 
bracelet so the local Law Enforcement types can keep track of him at all