[gardeners] DeDe's Field Corn Misbehaves; 4th a bang up celebration

Cousin DeDe (gardeners@globalgarden.com)
Sat, 4 Jul 1998 12:56:11 +0000 

Dear Beulah Mae,

Well, hon; we all surviving the 4th. Just barely, mind you, but we is all
alive and in one piece-with a couple of exceptions, mind you, but I ain't
so sure those folks were ever all stitched up all of a whole anyhow.

Yep, family, feuding, food, and fools. That's what makes a holiday a
celebration! Them folks at the Saints Preserve Us Urbane Farm and Cow Chip
Chapel let us use the meeting hall. You know the place, Lizzie Lu's Pious
Coastal ladies have themselves a tea party there every once in a while..not
too often, cause it takes 'em an awful long time to get their hair piled up
and fixed just right and then there's been that shortage of Aqua Net that
they've been suffering through. But that's another story, so I'll just keep
my mind on the things I got to tell you today.

First, lemme tell you about the food. Everybody brought a dish. Just a
dish, mind you; Chatty Cathy forgot to tell folks that she was expecting
'em to bring something for everybody to eat in their dish! Gave Chatty a
real start when she saw all them folks lined up at the front door holding
their empty bowls and expecting her to fill 'em up. But you know that
Chatty fancies herself a gourmet cook and claims to be a thirty-second
cousin (twice removed) to that Perle Mesta woman that had all them parties
in Our Nation's Capital when I was just a little bit of a thing. So, Chatty
said she'd just run out to the garden and get fixings for everything we
could possibly want to eat 

Anyhow, while Chatty was out picking and cleaning and cooking, we all sat
around fussing and feuding and bragging about whom had been through the
hardest times. You'd have really enjoyed it Beulah, them times is always
what makes a holiday feel like home, ain't it the truth. Shortly after
Cousin Bambi told us about Jimbo's latest indiscretion, Cousin Sadie
dropped by and personally took a look at each one of the dishes. By the
time she'd finished turning 'em over and reading all them funny marks on
the bottom, she'd learned everything there is to know about all of us here
in The Potting Shed. Anyhow, in consideration of Sadie's knowing about
these things, Chatty Cathy asked her to draw up the squatting arrangements
so everybody would have a proper place at the dinner table. Got to hand it
to Sadie, the old gal got everybody pegged just right. That Drano
saleswoman was purely amazed she was; I saw her scribbling and making marks
in that big notebook she carries and Edna says that she wouldn't be
surprised if our little gathering didn't end up plastered all over some
trashy publication.

But I still ain't told you about the vittles. They was a sight.

First, there was the corn. Tasted real unusual it did. I tried to tell
Chatty Cathy that you can't plant your popcorn and your sweet corn in the
same field. Well, she wouldn't listen; she said she'd done herself some
higher mathematics and she'd planted out the seed so there wouldn't be no
possibility at all for any hanky panky to go on between the Midget
Strawberry popcorn and that Country Gentlemen sweet corn. Silly woman,
Chatty never did understand that where there's a will there's a way and you
ought to know that them's that call themselves Gentlemen usually ain't. You
can imagine the rest Beulah; I is too much of a lady to spell it out for
you. 

Edna broke a tooth on her corn. She said she was gonna send Sheriff Yung
the bill. Way she figures it, if he'd been doing his job right, there
wouldn't have been any need for Chatty to be planting corn in the first
place. I don't rightly understand what Edna's talking about. Do you, hon?

But we got through the corn. Next we had ourselves some 'tater salad.
Whooooooeeeee! It was something, let me tell you. But first, I gots to go
get me a tiny little sip of some of that Pepto Bismol stuff. Then I think I
better lay down and rest for a bit before I put my mind to telling you
about them 'taters. Course, you never know....maybe that Lawndale Woman 
will drop you a line and tell you 'bout the taters. She's from Idaho, 
after all.

Your cousin DeDe.