[gardeners] Barbeque

CousinElla Mae (gardeners@globalgarden.com)
Sun, 5 Jul 1998 20:50:13 -0700 (PDT)

Hi Y'all,

I ain't rightly sure what happened with my last note, but it went to
Cuzin Bambie's 'puter, so her Better Half forwarded it to y'all.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell y'all the story of Cuzin
Junior's acquaintance from up north that came to Cuzin
Bambie's 4th of July todo.  We all brought dishes, just like Chatty
Cathey's bunch, but we all had enough sense to bring food with our
Well, doncha know, this friend of Cuzin Junior's done brought some
stuff that he called barbeque.  Poor thing.  Everyone could just look
at the stuff and know that it weren't no kind of Barbeque, but we
being polite,and all, we just didn't say nothing.
Well, he got to bragging on his barbeque.  Y'all know how seriously we
take our Glorious Barbeque.  This feller had a *red sauce* on that
poor pile of meat!
Can you imagine anyone putting red sauce on a pile of meat, and
calling it barbeque?
Now, I didn't tell that feller that my Aunt Virginia
does barbeque deer meat, and it do be a site better than that stuff
that he brought.  Everybody tasted it, and fed it to the hounds that
kept getting underfoot.
Them poor old dogs took one bit of that feller's meat,
and took off for the swamps.  We didn't even have enough dogs around
to finish off the rest of what we had on our plates!  You know Old
Rebel just took one sniff of the stuff, sneezed and went and lay back
under the table where Couzin Durlin was feeding him juicy tidbits that
Old Rebel really did enjoy.
That was before Old Rebel fell asleep under the table and commenced to
snoring.  Lawsy, that old dog snores louder than Jimbo when he gets to
sawing logs!!
That odd fellow from up north didn't think much of us for not raving
on about his barbeque, so he started drinking more and more, until he
began saying ugly things about our Blessed Mommas, and Esteemed wimmin
kinfolk.  I guess they get
real serious about their barbeque up north too.
Wouldn't you think that they would work harder on getting the meat fit
to eat, iffn they were so serious about it?
About that time, Cuzine Johnny Ray came up behind him and grabbed him
about the waist.  Cuzin Johnny Ray ain't been quite right, ya know,
after he lost that fight with that bear.
Well, he picked that feller up and wrastled him to the
ground and made him eat them words!!  By the look on that fellers
face, they were some sour tasting words.
When Cousin Johnny Ray got done with him, he was singing the praises
of all of our Blessed Mommas, and Esteemed wimmin folk, our cuzins,
our Daddies, and everyone else he could think of.  Isn't it nice to see
the young people have such a dramatic change of heart?
When Johnny Ray let him go, that feller lit out of here like his
coattails were on fire, shouting something about never coming this way
again, and something about somebody being crazy. Never could quite get
the gist of it.
We all had a grand time eating and talking and having fun after he left.
The we got to get  better acquainted with Cuzin Sheriff Brown later in
the evening like I told you earlier.  All in all it was a fair day.
Life is good and we are all thankful for our blessings.

Love y'all

Cousin Ella Mae

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