Re: [gardeners] butter

Liz Albrook (
Mon, 26 Oct 1998 10:30:09 +0000

Carol Wallace <> wrote:

> Couldn't some of you guys go back on a health craze???

I would but my cholesterol level is below 150.  :-)  I'd sooner eat 
whale fat than margarine or that "spread" stuff.  And then there's 
the fact that fake butter and the hydrogenated oils from which it is 
made is at least as likely to make your cholesterol level rise as 
butter while tasting terrible.

Better, I think, is to appeal to people's sense of humanity.  Let's 
send folks to a dairy farm, have them get a feel for the ambiance of 
the place and have a heart to heart talk with a dairy cow.  Though 
it might be a tad tiresome for the cow, the end result would have a 
big payoff -- right-thinking (or is that left-thinking?) people 
everywhere will stop using butter because of the awful treatment of 
dairy cows.  Dateline could do an expose and 20/20 could film members 
of PETA throwing red paint on those of us who are so uncouth as to 
purchase butter.  That would send sales, and the price, of butter 
into a nice, tight downward spiral.  There would be a new political 
alliance between PETA and Muscle & Fitness magazine readers 
advocating both humanity and health.  The MAF-PETA brigade would be a 
threat to the world given their vast intellectual powers and dogged 
(or is that dogied?)  determination.

I propose that we would still be safe, however, in the face of the 
MAF-PETA threat.  That's because MaPat, immediately recognizing that 
her good name was under attack by those too dumb (literally) to 
understand what they hear, would be forced to put the alliance in 
it's place.  I'm certain that with little effort MaPat would dispatch 
this threat in a completely non-aggressive and downright friendly 
manner, leaving her victims lying slain on the floor without benefit 
of the knowledge that they had become undone.

Thus you and I, Carol, could continue in our unhealthy ways, Penny 
could bake for the entire list without going bankrupt and George 
could start his next business -- a bakery -- for those who still 
appreciate quality.  All because we gave the story the correct spin 
and because of the quick wits of MaPat.