Re: [gardeners] OT - humor

Allen and Judy Merten (
Thu, 22 Jul 1999 11:36:43 -0500

    ROFLMAO!!! I really laughed out loud, and had a couple of tears rolling down
my cheek. We have a nine year old neutered tomcat. We got him neutered at the same
time the vet had to do surgery on his head to remove a tooth from another cat that
was imbedded in our cat's skull. It had abscessed and Tiger was pretty sick. The
vet told us that if we had him neutered he wouldn't chase kitty cats, would not
fight, and would stay home. Right! Tiger had a drain tube stitched into the
incision on his head, which we had to keep clean ( see #1-14 above). He was sent
home with a 2 week supply of antibiotics, one pill 3 times a day, (see#1-14
above). The only reason I didn't invoke #15 was he was my youngest son's cat, best
friend, constant companion, bed mate, etc. Will was 7 or 8 at the time. We had
been doing the single parent thing since he was 2 yr. I just didn't have the heart
to get rid of the dang cat. We still have the cat. He never quit chasing kitty
cats, never quit fighting (fights dogs as well),continued to prowl. Age has
finally slowed him down somewhat. Will is going to be 16 in Oct. He still sleeps
with the cat.
    We have two dogs. Wrap pill, in bacon, cheese, piece of bread, flour tortilla,
etc. No problem.
    Allen, still snickering
    Bastrop Co.
    SE Central Tx.

margaret lauterbach wrote:

> >
> >How to give a cat a pill
> >
> >1)  Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding
> >a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth
> and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
> >right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth, allow cat to close
> >mouth and swallow.
> >
> >2)  Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
> >arm and repeat process.
> >
> >3)  Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
> >
> >4)  Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
> >paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
> >mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
> >
> >5)  Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
> >spouse from garden.
> >
> >6)  Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
> rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly
> with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler
> and rub cat's throat vigorously.
> >
> >7)  Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
> >note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
> >figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
> >
> >8)  Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
> >visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth
> open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
> >
> >9)  Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans.  Drink glass
> of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm  and remove
> blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
> >
> >10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in
> >cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open
> with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
> >
> >11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
> Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus
> jab.     Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
> >
> >12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
> >Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
> Take last pill from foil-wrap.
> >
> >13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly
> to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill
> into mouth followed by large piece of  fillet steak. Hold head vertically
> and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
> >
> >14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while
> >doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
> >Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
> >
> >15) Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if
> >they have any hamsters.
> >
> >How to give a dog a pill:
> >
> >1)  Wrap it in bacon.
> >
> >
> >