[gardeners] Fwd: Fw: for the women ----------Midlife

Margaret Lauterbach (gardeners@globalgarden.com)
Tue, 16 Jan 2001 08:32:18 -0700

>Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down.  This gives us
>plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
>Midlife women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans.  We are no longer
>women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.
>Midlife has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your
>rear end without turning around.
>Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back.  It's more
>like splat!
>Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and
>scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will
>Midlife is when you realize that, if you were a dog, you would need a control
>top flea collar.
>Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you
>have to pay someone to look at you naked.
>Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now
>sitting on your biggest ones.
>Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side.  You look at your
>latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I
>have stretch marks?"
>Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still
>retain is water.
>The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full.  Of course, the
>bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.