[gardeners] OT - Redneck

Margaret Lauterbach (gardeners@globalgarden.com)
Tue, 13 Feb 2001 08:18:38 -0700

>>>You know you're a Redneck if...
>>>You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
>>>You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a
>>>Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
>>>Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
>>>You burn your yard rather than mow it.
>>>You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
>>>The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
>>>Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the
>>>governor to spare a loved one.
>>>You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they
>>>don't want  it.
>>>You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
>>>You come back from the dump with more than you took.
>>>You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
>>>Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
>>>Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
>>>You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
>>>You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
>>>You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
>>>Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
>>>You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
>>>You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
>>>You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
>>>You have a rag for a gas cap.
>>>Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
>>>You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
>>>Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
>>>Your richest relative buys a new house and calls you up to
>>>help him  take the wheels off.
>>>Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
>>>You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
>>>Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always
>>>brings  you home.
>>>A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth
>>>of  improvement.
>>>You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty