[gardeners] OT: Novel diet

George Shirley (gardeners@globalgarden.com)
Thu, 08 Aug 2002 10:19:54 -0500 

     The best pseudo-science I could find.

George

     As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1
     degree centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms, this
     means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally
     consisting of water in large part), the natural processes
     which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature during
     the digestive cycle literally sucks the calories out of the
     only available source, your body fat.

     For example, a dessert served and eaten at near 0 degrees C
     (32.2 degrees F) will, in a short time, be raised to the
     normal body temperature of 37 degrees C (98.6 degrees F). For
     each gram of dessert eaten, that process takes approximately
     37 calories as stated above. The average dessert portion is 6
     oz, or 168 grams. Therefore, by operation of thermodynamic
     law, 6,216 calories (1 cal./gm/deg. x 37 deg. x 168 g) are
     extracted from body fat as the dessert's temperature is
     normalized.

     Allowing for the 1,200 latent calories in the dessert, the net
     calorie loss is approximately 5,000 calories. Obviously, the
     more cold dessert you eat, the better off you are and the
     faster you will lose weight, if that is your goal.

     This process works equally well when drinking very cold beer
     in frosted glasses. Each ounce of beer contains 16 latent
     calories, but extracts 1,036 calories (6,216 cal. per 6 oz.
     portion) in the temperature normalizing process. Thus, the net
     calorie loss per ounce of beer is 1,020 calories. It doesn't
     take a rocket scientist to calculate that 12,240 calories (12
     oz. x 1,020 cal./oz.) are extracted from the body in the
     process of drinking a can of beer.

     Frozen desserts, e.g., ice cream, are even more beneficial,
     since it takes 83 cal./gm to melt them (i.e., raise them to 0
     deg. C) and an additional 37 cal./gm to further raise them to
     body temperature.

     The results here are really remarkable, and it beats running
     hands down.

     Unfortunately, for those who eat pizza as an excuse to drink
     beer, pizza (loaded with latent calories and served above body
     temperature) induces an opposite effect. But, thankfully, as
     the astute reader should have already reasoned, the obvious
     solution is to drink a lot of beer with pizza and follow up
     immediately with large bowls of ice cream.

     We could all be thin if we were to adhere religiously to a
     pizza, beer, and ice cream diet.