Re: [gardeners] Re: Forms of Address"

Allen and Judy Merten (gardeners@globalgarden.com)
Thu, 02 Jul 1998 08:56:59 -0500 

Hi Pat,
    My Great Grandmother raised me for the first 8 yrs of my life. My Great
Grandfather died when I was about 5. I have old fashioned Southern Manners
because of that. I have attempted to open doors for several flamming femanists
who resented it and told me so in very clear terms that I was demeaning them and
implying that they couldn't make their way in the world without a mans help. I
appoligised for the offense. But the values that I learned from my great
grandparents are more lasting than the misdirected anger of strangers. I can
remember when my Grandfather would struggle to open a door for my patiently
waiting Grandmother. I asked her once why we didn't just go ahead and open the
door. She replied that she wouldn't think of insulting him, that when he thought
he would be unable to open doors for her he would ask her to help him. I loved
them both dearly. She died when I was 12. It was devastating.
    Did you see or read "Lonesome Dove"? Do you remember when Woodrow Call beat
the man with a quirt, knocked his head against the building etc? He said "I
can't abide rude behavior in a man. I won't tolerate it." My Great Grandfather
served in The US Army from the later Indian Wars through WWI. He was just like
that.

Allen

Bastrop Co.,Tx

asidv@fbg.net wrote:

> John Harman's worrying about feminism seems odd in an Australian, for
> in visiting  Australia I was charmed by the comfortable
> attitude shown between men and women. I liked their use of the term
> "Mate" as an endearment; they  seemed to have fun together
> and to respect the each other's worth.
>          Actually, it may be that much of the US war between the sexes rests
> on an insufficient grounding in simple manners -- generally the
> responsibility of the parents. So when oldsters complain about the
> "attitudes" of the young, it could be an admission that we didn't
> inculcate the forms of polite society in those for whom we were
> responsible.
>         And please tell me, why wouldn't you step aside to let a woman
> into an elevator first? What if she got there first? Surely you
> don't barge ahead of those who preceeded you in space and time; that
> would be tantamount to saying, "I rank you" and between strangers,
> good manners says there is no rank. We can only prove "what" we are
> by our words and our actions and if we are truly "strangers" that has
> not yet been discovered. Pat
>