Re: [gardeners] OT: texas travel guide

Allen and Judy Merten (gardeners@globalgarden.com)
Sat, 22 May 1999 05:50:26 -0500 

Yall got that right!
    Allen, 6th generation Texan
    Bastrop Co.
    SE Central Tx.


Kay Lancaster wrote:

> Forward of something from humor@telelists.com
>
> The only thing this damnyankee saw that this piece didn't mention was the
> impromptu freeway entrance ramps in west Texas, created by just driving
> from a side road across any intervening land onto the interstate.  Works
> in Houston, too. <vbg>
>
> Kay Lancaster   kay@fern.com  with friends in Bellville, TX, where
>   BlueBell ice cream seems to be a religion.
>
>  --------------------
>
> If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
> drive pickup truck with a 12 pack of beer and a tow chain will be along
> shortly.  Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what
> they live for.
>
> Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not
> buy food at this store.
>
>  Remember, "ya'll" is singular, "all ya'll" is plural, and "all ya'll's" is
> plural possessive.
>
>  Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
>
>  Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
> understand you either.
>
>  The first Texan expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
> vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," as in "big'ol truck" or "big'ol boy."
> Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way.  All of
> them are in denial about it.
>
>  The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
>
>  Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.
>
>  If you hear a Texan exclaim, "Hey, ya'll, watch this," stay out of the way.
> These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
>
>  If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
> accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.
> It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go
> there.
>
>  When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road,
> remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere, and that this is
> the proper speed and position for that vehicle.
>
>  Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns and
> are proficient marksmen...or that their mammas taught them how to aim.
>
>  In Texas, we have found that the best way to grow a green lawn is to pour
> gravel on it and call it a driveway.
>
>  If you do settle in Texas and bear children, don't think we will accept
> them as Texans. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't
> call  'em  biscuits.