[gardeners] Fwd: Fw: Now at a pharmacy near you
Margaret Lauterbach (gardeners@globalgarden.com)
Tue, 25 Mar 2003 13:36:00 -0700
>Now at a pharmacy near you
>
>S t . M o m ' s W o r t
>Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
>unconscious for up to six hours.
>
>E m p t y N e s t r o g e n
>Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the
>memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till
>they moved out.
>
>P e p t o b i m b o
>Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an
>evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves
>flirting.
>
>D u m e r o l
>When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing
>enjoyment of country western music.
>
>F l i p i t o r
>Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the
>urge to flip off other drivers.
>
>A n t i b o y o t i c s
>When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving
>grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
>
>M e n i c i l l i n
>Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as,
>"You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
>
>B u y a g r a
>Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and
>duration of spending spree.
>
>E x t r a S t r e n g t h B u y-O n e-Aa l l
>When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so
>severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by
>Dr. Laura.
>
>J a c k A s s p i r i n
>Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
>anniversary or phone number.
>
>A n t i - t a l k s i d e n t
>A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to
>share their life stories with total strangers.
>
>S e x c e d r i n
>More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a
>headache," syndrome.
>
>R a g a m e t
>When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on
>him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.