Re: [gardeners] Fwd: Fw: Now at a pharmacy near you

Jann (
Tue, 25 Mar 2003 16:01:17 -0600

AHAHA I love it!!! Thanks!!!


At 01:36 PM 3/25/03 -0700, you wrote:

>>Now at a pharmacy near you
>>S t . M o m ' s W o r t
>>Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers 
>>unconscious for up to six hours.
>>E m p t y N e s t r o g e n
>>Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the 
>>memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till 
>>they moved out.
>>P e p t o b i m b o
>>Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an 
>>evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves 
>>D u m e r o l
>>When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing 
>>enjoyment of country western music.
>>F l i p i t o r
>>Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the 
>>urge to flip off other drivers.
>>A n t i b o y o t i c s
>>When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving 
>>grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
>>M e n i c i l l i n
>>Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines 
>>as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
>>B u y a g r a
>>Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and 
>>duration of spending spree.
>>E x t r a  S t r e n g t h  B u y-O n e-Aa l l
>>When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so 
>>severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by 
>>Dr. Laura.
>>J a c k A s s p i r i n
>>Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, 
>>anniversary or phone number.
>>A n t i - t a l k s i d e n t
>>A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to 
>>share their life stories with total strangers.
>>S e x c e d r i n
>>More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a 
>>headache," syndrome.
>>R a g a m e t
>>When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging 
>>on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.